Year of living ambiguously

Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it, without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity.”– Gilda Radner

A year ago I grabbed the modest retirement I’d earned by sticking to a job for 17 years and achieving the age of 55 years.  (Well, over-achieving that latter bit, if you want to be picky.)

And headed out the door into a world quite new to me:  life without a full-time job.  No pets or people to care for at home, a little bit of money dropping into my checking account each month just because I’m still breathing, a bit of money banked in the “fun and travel” account, and no fixed schedule.

I found it was relaxing, healing, scary, and sometimes I was immobilized by a sense of infinite possibilities or at least more than I could handle.  I traveled, I snoozed, I took a lot of pictures and read a lot of books and walked for miles in the parks.  I also let my inner lazy slob out to play and gained ten pounds. Ouch. I wish I could say that I embraced life and all its unknowns with verve and style, but I’d be lying.  I’ve struggled some.

It’s been an ambiguous time, that’s for sure.  Four times, on an airplane, I was handed customs and immigration forms as we headed to a foreign country.   All asked me to state my occupation.  How I answered depended on my mood.  But I think I only wrote “retired” once because it didn’t seem right.

Now I’ve been working again for four months, this time self-employed.  I’m happy about it.  That ten pounds is gone.  And I’m over communing with my inner lazy slob; she can go away forever.

I’m still a little stymied for an answer when asked “What do you do?”

Sometimes I say I’m semi-retired.  Other times that I’m working as special counsel on a short-term contract without mentioning the R word.

In a couple of weeks I’ll probably say that I’m engaged full time in housebreaking a Shih Tzu puppy.

My hope for the next 12 months:  that I can savor life’s ambiguity.


One thought on “Year of living ambiguously

  1. It is amazing to look at what we “think” we work our whole lives toward is not at all what we want when we get it. I’ve read several times that life is not about the destiny it’s about the journey.

    Here’s to a happy journey and a house broken Shih Tzu.


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