You’re from Denver

(HT to my friend George.) You know you’re from Denver when . . .

You identify directions by the location of the mountains.

Your diet consists largely of Cliff Bars, granola, tofu and Fat Tire.

When visiting friends at sea level, you can drink a case of beer and not get a buzz.

Snow in June is not unheard of. Neither is 100 degree weather.

You scoff at the weatherman on TV. Especially when giving a five-day forecast.

“Timberline” is somewhere you’ve actually been. Many times.

You know what a “Chinook” is.

You know what the “Peoples Republic of Boulder” is – and why it’s called that.

You know what a “fourteener” is.

You know what a “Rocky Mountain Oyster” is.

You think a red light means three more cars can go. The fast lane is for cruising and the slow lane is for passing. Turn signals are optional.

Shorts are worn year around, regardless of temperature.

“Wildlife” means more than squirrels and pigeons.

You don’t stop and look when you see deer.

You’re not sure if Colorado extends west of the Rockies.

You know where Buffalo Bill’s grave is.

You own a big dog named Aspen, Buck, Cheyenne or Dakota that wears a bandanna.

You think that formal wear is ironed denim.

You’ve never actually been to Aspen, much less ski there.

“Damn Rockies” is an expression you use when you can’t find a parking spot Downtown.

During a thunderstorm you wonder which I-25 underpass is flooding.

If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.

If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it muggy.

People driving on the 16th Street Mall are considered “tourists”.

The biggest event of the year is the Western Stock Show.

The only RTD bus you’ve been on is the 16th Street shuttle.

There is not enough money in the world to get you to move to the Springs.

When giving directions, you never say “Turn left, turn right”, it’s always go West, then South.

When the Broncos are losing you refer to them as the “Donkeys”.

You think 5-Points is a ghetto.

You consider LoDo a tourist trap with expensive condos.

You have a cracked or broken windshield.

You have absolutely no recognizable accent.

You have been skiing less than 3 times in your life.

You know that “The Narrows” refers to I-25 between University and Broadway.

You know where the city ended when you were a kid, and would never move further out than that boundary.

You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.

You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town.

You say things like “I don’t care how big Parker is, it’s still a one-horse town”.

You see no reason to travel to Aurora.

You think most of the people in Colorado Springs are religious freaks.

You think the rest of the freaks live in the “People’s Republic of Boulder.”

You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.

Thornton, Northglenn and Westminster are “Another State”.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from Denver.


One thought on “You’re from Denver

  1. So I was born in Denver at Saint Luke’s Hospital; I found it very agreeable to me when I returned for the first time since my birth in 2008, and only for a few hours on my way to Taos, New Mexico. Child of adoption, grew up in New Jersey, New York and Vermont (and now living in Maine), I’m curious to find out if there’s something of Denver that sticks at birth and travels with you. As the great city of Denver has experienced a brewing Renaissance, and that its first operating building was a saloon, maybe it’s my love of beer.

    But reading this list, it’s hard to say I’m from Denver outside of being born there: my adoptive mother was from Brooklyn, and the streets of Manhattan are more my urban home than anywhere else. It’s hard to say I’m from Denver, except on the birth certificate; but as much as I’m a New Yorker, I’ll never forget the place where I was born.


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