Of all the total stupid backassward fatuous IDIOCY I have read in the course of a long and wasted life, something I saw today online may have taken the all-time award for Stupid Backassward Fatuous Idiocy.
Some clueless airhead who is either a lower-than-a-snake-belly liar, or has had all his or her taste buds surgically rendered inoperable, or has a serious personality disorder involving totally deadened pleasure receptors in every square inch of his or her no doubt unappealing body, has actually written and posted THIS, on the MSNBC website, no less, in an article explaining how dieters can “trade up to healthier treats”:
Skip it: Chocolate chip cookies
234 calories, 13.6 g fat per three cookies
Scarf it: Fill your cookie jar with 100% Whole Grain Fig Newtons and you can feel good about having a helping. A three-Newton snack (165 calories, 3 g fat) nets you 80 percent less fat than three chocolate chip cookies; plus, their 3 g of fiber will leave you feeling fuller.
You save: 69 calories, 10.6 g fat
That is so wrong.
First, if I actually ate three Fig Newtons either whole grain or partial grain, I would save the entire 165 calories because after managing to choke them down I believe I would, well, not keep them down.
Second, and maybe this should be first: who the hell could possibly believe that anything, much less something as creepy as FIG BLOODY NEWTONS, which does not contain chocolate, could in any way, shape or form, be a substitute for a chocolate chip cookie?
Finally, I will concede that under certain circumstances incompatible with my personal situation, a FIG NEWTON might be considered a treat. And one might “feel good” after consuming one. Or three. See the title of this post.