And it gets scarier . . .

NSA Has Massive Database of Americans’ Phone Calls.

Who’d have expected such a scoop from USA Today?

I never expected to feel positive about Qwest Communications, my telephone company. But it’s the only major phone company that didn’t play ball with the NSA and cough up zillions of bits and bytes including my phone number and calling records.

Law prof Orin Kerr has a decent fast-response legal overview here on his blog. He mentions the pen register statute, which is what first occurred to me this morning when reading the news stories.

But then, I suppose I should not be frightened. After all, Our President issued this statement today, transcript published by CNN:

After September 11, I vowed to the American people that our government would do everything within the law to protect them against another terrorist attack.

As part of this effort, I authorized the National Security Agency to intercept the international communications of people with known links to al Qaeda and related terrorist organizations.

In other words, if al Qaeda or their associates are making calls into the United States or out of the United States, we want to know what they’re saying.

Today, there are new claims about other ways we are tracking down al Qaeda to prevent attacks on America. I want to make some important points about what the government is doing and what the government is not doing.

First, our intelligence activities strictly target al Qaeda and their known affiliates. Al Qaeda is our enemy, and we want to know their plans.

Second, the government does not listen to domestic phone calls without court approval.

Third, the intelligence activities I authorized are lawful and have been briefed to appropriate members of Congress, both Republican and Democrat.

Fourth, the privacy of ordinary Americans is fiercely protected in all our activities. We’re not mining or trolling through the personal lives of millions of innocent Americans. Our efforts are focused on links to al Qaeda and their known affiliates.

So far, we’ve been very successful in preventing another attack on our soil.

As a general matter, every time sensitive intelligence is leaked, it hurts our ability to defeat this enemy. Our most important job is to protect the American people from another attack, and we will do so within the laws of our country.

Thank you.

Oh, gee, W, you’re most welcome. But not so fast, buckaroo. I’ve got a few questions here.

First, who are “innocent Americans”? I’m single and never had kids and socially liberal and I don’t go to church and I donate money to suspicious causes and I didn’t vote for you. And it gets worse: I’m pro-choice, and I think any two adult human beings who want to, should be able to marry each other, and I harbor other opinions which may make me not such an “innocent American” in your opinion, or Cheney’s, or Rove’s.

Hey, I love my country, I hate murdering fanatics who want to blow up people in the name of anything and especially the Supreme Being, and if I were eyeball to eyeball with some suicide bomber he/she might be shocked at how fierce, brave and crazy a fat white old American lady can be. But I probably don’t pass your “innocence” test so you probably don’t feel constrained to respect or protect MY privacy at all, much less “fiercely.”

And second, about that “the intelligence activities I have authorized are lawful” claim. Look, W, we’ve already heard your unitary-executive Constitutional theory [explained here and here] that if you do it, it is therefore legal. And that no matter what Congress writes in those laws you sign, you aren’t necessarily bound to follow them*. Honeybuns, besides being a fat old socially liberal American woman, I’ve practiced law for 29 years. And it’s my informed opinion that you’re full of shit on that one.

Don’t call me, I’ll call you.

*The NY Times explains about your “signing statements” in this editorial, and of course there’s the Boston Globe article on that subject. And here’s a good post over at The Daily Docket about your “instant declassification by White House leak” idea. The comic book version is animated by Mark Fiore in “The Decider.”